Employee reports her office crush to HR for flirting with her after he showed up to the office Christmas party with his fiancée: 'He is just naturally charming and wasn't flirting at all.'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 23, 2025 11:00 AM EST

She's taking her delusional feelings way too far. 

It's incredibly common to have a crush that goes unrequited. I'm sure merely reading that sentence made some crush of yesteryear pop into your head.

The most difficult kinds of unrequited crushes aren't crushes on aloof people who couldn't care less about you. The most difficult crushes are on people who have a lot of affection for you, and people who are always around you. When your crush is always friendly towards you and never gives the impression that they dislike you even a little bit, your mind can wander into two different delusional places. You can either think, "Wow, they must be secretly in love with me, but not know it yet," or "What is so wrong with me that this wonderful person wouldn't be into me?" Neither of these thought patterns is a solution to the crush. Falling into delusional thinking will only make the problem worse. 

One of the most critical parts of getting over a crush is admitting to yourself that the other person is not and will never be into you. If you can't get past that reality, it's going to be a long, hard road ahead. Again, accepting that fact is much harder when the person you have feelings for gives off flirtatious vibes or is generally friendly towards you. It makes you feel a little bit of hope that the object of your desire might learn to love you eventually, which only prolongs the crush and, therefore, the misery. 

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  • It's one thing to be hopeful about a single person who has been overly friendly towards you, potentially having feelings for you. It's harmless to them, and only harmful to you. It's an entirely different thing to see a happily coupled person and delusionally convince yourself that they are cheating on you with their partner.

  • A man and a woman sitting at a table with a laptop
    via Sueda Dilli (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I overreacting if I reported my friend to HR?

    We're all in our 30s and work in finance. One of my colleagues (and close friend) has been in love with a colleague for months and was convinced they had a "thing" going on, while I personally think he is just naturally charming and wasn't
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  • flirting at all. This man is, objectively speaking, gorgeous and my friend, as much as I love her, is not so much. We had our office Christmas party last week and he brought his fiancée. Which ended with my
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  • A man handing a woman a present in front of a Christmas tree
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • friend in tears. Now she wants to report him to HR for "leading her on" (which is, frankly, insane) and badmouths him in our group. Which is divided. Half of us think this is crazy behaviour, the other half thinks she should report him and even message the fiancée and tell her about "all the flirting" which
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  • I'm not sure happened in the first place. I brought this up to our IRL friends too but they had heard this story unfold from her perspective, so naturally they were angry on her behalf.
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  • I'm now considering giving HR a heads-up before she files a complaint that could ruin this man's career. I'm honestly worried she's going to make something up or exaggerate small interactions just to get back at him. But I also know I should probably just stay out of it.
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  • A man and a woman sitting at a table
    via Sueda Dilli (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Mobile_Fudge_4744 If your friend actually does that they'd be in the wrong. I don't think it'd go anywhere unless they lied or made things up though. That being said if this person is actually genuinely your friend and not just a coworker you get along with you shouldn't go behind her back and report anything. If you have a problem with your friend talk to her about it, tell her she shouldn't do that, maybe get mad at her, have an argument, whatever. Just don't go behind her back. So I guess I'l
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  • OP Important-Art-1322 >unless they lied or made things up though. That is my concern. She's acting really irrational and I wouldn't put this past her at this point.
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  • MOR McGoodGreen Do you have access to your friends phone? Do you really know the extent of their flirting? You only really know the parts you see. I am sure your friend is being vocal about the issues. You say you are scared she is going to exaggerate and ruin this mans career. But these feelings come up after you first express to us this man is gorgeous. I think you are better off backing off and letting this play out without you. I think you might be too involved and biased to really see this
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  • OP Important-Art-1322 > Do you have access to your friends phone? Do you really know the extent of their flirting? She doesn't have his number. They don't text or call. She doesn't see him outside of work and we sit next to each other. I witness all their (minor and mundane) interactions. You tell me I only know the parts I see while you simultaneously make up a scenario in your head. This is mental illness level disconnect. > And if your friend has evidence, no amount of your involvement with H
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  • JackfruitFresh2743 NOR, but speak to your friend and tell them the truth - he wasn't flirting with her, she misread things and to obviously drop it. Another view is that she was just saying this all in the moment, so speaking with her anyway is a good idea.
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  • OP Important-Art-1322 I of course spoke to her first but there's no getting through to her. I don't recognise her anymore.
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  • optintolife HR isn't anyone's friend. They must act on information to protect the company. Tell your friend it's time to look outside the office for romance.
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  • Foreign_Sky_1309 Stay out of it.
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  • lauradayton Why would you involve yourself in this? Seriously
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  • aikigrl NOR. You cannot control what another adult person chooses to do (as long as it is NOT illegal) and you cannot help those who refuse to be helped. You can try to talk her out of it but end of the day if she is. adamant at going to HR - if she's lucky they will tell her to knock it off after talking to the guy and other witnesses. If not, well, all you can do is show up with chocolates at her place and help her look for another job. But you need to stay out of it unless HR ask you about wh
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single employee flirting coworkers Christmas party Office career human resources crush fiancee
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